??

I won't call myself a mental person, since I'm still pretty sane, able to count and talk and write etc. But I feel like I have problems. Mental problems. Stuff like talking to myself every day, having 2 split personalities, or even having too much thought cells to trigger tears.

I know most of it stem from me cooping myself at home all the time. But somehow, it runs deeper. Im not a very confident person to start off, I don't think there's a single event that triggered my low confidence. I refuse to get a job because im afriad of interviews, or meeting strangers. It's like they are questioning you in an alien language and you try your best to understand. I know I have the abilities, but I just don't know how to take that step.

Talking to myself has become part of the routine. I even have imaginary friends. Sometimes I tell them my worries and stuff, sometimes I dwell into my imaginary bank and think of all sorts of stories... ok, I beginning to freak myself out here too.

Split personalities I can take. I mean, people always say I 'talk' different when im on msn, or talking in person. You'll notice I talk alot more on msn, ok, make that type, and I talk alot less in front of people. There, I have people problems too. and I think I know why.

I'm so afraid of what people think of me, I might as well just shut up and listen. Or perhaps most of the time I wonder off in dreamland, pretending I understand what people are talking about. Laughing is easy, people laugh, you laugh along, don't really have to get what people are saying. I've learnt the art of reading facial expressions. Haha...

I have another example. Let's say I have a friend who dislikes some type of people. If I happen to have part of the trait, I try to change so my friend won't find me irritating. Ok, that's not a good example. Damn, I think people are going to get creeped out when they read this post. THIS IS ME. This is who I am deep inside. The one who would rather keep myself in my own room and cry my eye balls out, then come out and pretend nothing happened. "There was sand in my eyes."

Ok, was off ranting on my Twitter. I feel like crying now. Crap, this calls for SHINee's songs! iTunes hurry up open!!! Ahh... that's better. Im smiling now~~ Ok, back to the topic. I don't think anybody actually reads my blog also, they are all far too busy.

To be honest im glad I have Facebook games to keep me company. Is there a kind of job that allows me not to see anyone and still work and earn money? My mood always dampen when people BUG me about getting a job. Obviously, I won't tell them my problems, that's why they keep bugging. Irritating bugs. Please don't feel offended. I'm not in a good mood now. That's why SHINee came in to help me. For once I'm actually typing thoughts straight hot off my brain. I used to have... shit what's that word?! I used to have thoughts thought off because they can't appear here, now everything is coming out! Haha... this is fun.

Maybe I should end soon. My mind of filled with SHINee now, hard to continue this post.