You Found Me

You Found Me

New year calls for new goals.

But I haven't exactly came up with anything.

Everything is hanging.

My last semester in JCUS hang by a thread,

I haven't enrolled in any subjects

since before the exam.

Talked to the Dean,

but it takes FOREVER for a reply by Australia.

By the time they reply,

I might not even make it for the semester.

At least I got the Dean's words to lay on,

if anything goes wrong,

I'll bring out the 'Dean proof'.

So sickening lar.

Seriously regretting signing on JCUS,

just for the sake of graduating early.

What was I thinking sia?!

Finish so early also need come out work.

Brainless. Super brainless girl.

Everything about Australia just irks me now.

I had wanted to follow my parents to Melbourne nxt month,

but APPARENTLY, they wouldn't allow,

probably due to the fact that my bro will be alone at home.

But what the heck,

he is already 17+ & can take care of himself.

Nowadays they make decisions on their own lor,

not even wanting to consult their kids of ANYTHING.

'Oh! We are going to the airport now,

going to XXX, won't be back till XXXX! Take care!'

Fuck. That's not I want to hear.

They book all their flights already,

then come tell us they going.

Feb - Melbourne

April - Malaysia

WTF lor, like we invisible.

However, my dad did offer me to go to London in June,

after I grad from sickening JCUS.

As usual, there was an offer,

so he was keen to at least ask me

if I had wanted to go there ALONE.

I meant go there alone & stay at my aunt's house.

I'm still thinking about it,

but the offer expires on 2nd Feb. How?!

The other day got an 'offer' to go Brisbane

after I grad to work at Conrad Hotel.

My Uncle works there as a Chef,

he 'invited' me over to work,

and also can stay at his house.

I wasn't very keen to go there,

after the fucking experience I had during the TRM trip.

I just don't feel I can survive on my own.

(I meant survive on my own as in dealing with

all the work and stuff 'alone', as well as living 'alone',

excluding my Uncle's family)

I was initially keen to work in a Hotel,

as receptionist or something,

but that interest decreased after working in some hotels.

All my relatives were like JOing me to go Aust.,

say what go there for experience,

go le won't want to come back,

go there and settle there,

get out of Singapore etc.

I feel like if I didn't go,

I would have let them down.

I have a problem with opening up,

especially to such a new place,

mind you I have not started working FULL-TIME.

So everything is like,

an imagination.

Can say I'm not exactly prepared to OFFICIALLY

enter the work force.

Something is holding me back,

which explains why I'd rather stay at home

and rot than to go look for jobs.

It's not about the $$, nor being lazy.

I'm probably more afraid of setbacks.

I tried working,

but it didn't work out well.

I always seem to take 1 step out of my comfort zone,

then after 1 setback,

I take a whole leap back into my comfort zone.

After so much education of being open and active,

I don't think I have changed abit.

For once,

I CANNOT imagine myself going to a foreign country

and working/staying by myself.

I mean I 'LOVE' being alone,

but alone in a foreign country? - NO way.

I know I have support from relatives,

but it's different.

I understand why people go overseas for jobs,

Singapore kind of sucks,

being small and kind of compressed.

I don't mean the job opportunity sucks,

but its not as big a place as overseas.

Seriously, I have always wanted to work overseas,

like in ang mo places,

find an ang mo husband and possibly settle there.

But I'm afraid to take that step ahead.

It feels like once I step out,

I got no comfort zone to leap back into.

Maybe I shouldn't think so negatively.

Maybe there is greener grass over the wall.

Maybe I will find my lucky star abroad.

But who knows?!

I can't predict my future,

but I believe I create them, with the help of fate.

If I can convince myself to step abroad,

I'm sure the rest will come slowly.

If I can convince myself to open up,

I'm sure I'll get better luck with work & rltp.

If I can convince myself to stop worrying so much,

I might see a bright future in me~

But first I need to convince myself to

convince all these things onto myself.

I got to start somewhere right?

If I can't even take that step ahead,

I will forever be stuck in my shell.

The problem is,

when & where should I take my first step out?

OMG

OMG

Seriously, what are the odds?!

I was listening to MUSE

'Supermassive Black Hole'

and as they are going to sing a part,

someone's MSN pop up,

and I read the nick to find out who it was.

And HELL!

As I read, the song was singing

EXACTLY what the nick wrote.

Tell me,

is that scary or what?!

Apparently that person

had THAT part of the lyrics

as her nickname.

The second I realised its the same,

I went OMG!

What are the odds right?!

Millions of songs,

even more millions of nicknames.

HAD to be at the RIGHT time also.

OMG OMG OMG!

SCARY~~!!

Oh, first significant death of the year,

John Travolta's son Jett died at the age of 16.

That's, really poor thing.

16 is an age where you go out and party,

but he had to die at such a young age.

I know John Travolta isn't my fav actor and all,

but its significant enough right?

~RIP Jett Travolta~

Anything else will be posted~

Happy 2009~

2008 past damn fast hor?

It's Official

It's Official

People!

Breaking news!!

I'm official a fan of...

ARSENAL FOOTBALL CLUB!

Can you believe it?!

I'm so SUCKED into football right now,

that I finally admit I'm

in LOVE with ARSENAL.

I don't know if it has anything to do

with the fact that it's a GUYS game.

(where girls see the player instead of the ball)

But nevertheless, I still love them~!

I have SOOOO much to talk about Arsenal,

that I don't know where to start.

My friends may have noticed

I doodle alot on my notes,

and when they asked what I was writing,

I told them 'its nothing.'

Obviously its not nothing,

but I just want to save myself from explaining.

I won't touch on what EXACTLY I was doodling,

but all I can say is...

I'm TOTALLY hooked onto them.

I watch EVERY single of their match,

even waking up middle of night to do so.

I've even watched their match till 2+am,

when I have to wake up next morning for classes.

I have gone to their official website

EVERYDAY at least once without fail,

even got the chance to WAP on my HP,

which I've never done before.

I'm ALWAYS updated by their news,

when they loose games,

I feel like weaping and will blame the other team.

When they win,

I jumped out from the couch and celebrate.

When my favourite players score,

I go bubbly and feel like I'm on cloud 9.

When my favourite player got injured,

I was depressed for a few days.

Not just Arsenal,

but the whole EPL (English Premier League)

has got me over my seat everytime.

Even when I'm rushing for reports,

I will STILL do it in front of the TV

with whatever match that was going on.

Doesn't have to be Arsenal playing,

so long as there was a LIVE match going on.

Somehow, there is an element of motivation

admist all the football action.

Haha. I sound weird,

but I kind of think watching football

is really very fun!

Especially when you see someone you know play,

you will be more sucked into the whole game.

I get sucked so badly,

that I will react in how fanatic fans would.

You will constantly hear me say,

'Get the ball out!!'

or 'Shit you!!' etc.

You will only get what I'm saying

if you were watching the match as well.

It's a wonder how I can still comment

and work on my report at the same time.

Oh, and before I forget,

one of the songs in the playlist,

CANDY PAINT

I got to know this song in courtesy of

CARLOS VELA (shirt 12) of Arsenal.

I was searching through youtube

for Arsenal goals scored by each of the players,

and came across his video done by someone.

The background song used for the video was CANDY PAINT.

You hear the song le,

you will know the impact it does to watching his goals.

My hair really stood throughout lor!

Guys you all really should see his goals.

He is only 19 and already scored hat-tricks twice

(3 goals in 1 game).

He is fast, witty, and has high accuracy.

My favourite player,

no surprise if you saw my nick on msn:

FRANCESC FABREGAS

Shirt no: 04

Age: 21

Captain of Arsenal since mid-November '08.

What more can I say about him?

He has won countless personal awards himself.

He is young, fast, strong in every aspect.

Tackle, passing, free kicks, corner kicks,

you name it, he got them all!

Arsenal really can't do without him,

and yet he got injured recently.

He won't be playing for 4 months!

That's how I got my momentarily depression.

I didn't had the mood to listen in class the next day.

I was watching the full match

and having to watch him wobble out of the pitch

after half-time really hurt.

I hoped so much that he would return 2nd-half,

but in the end he never appeared.

Then I knew its going to be bad.

Arsenal is famous for its 'Young Guns'

(Arsenal is aka 'Gunners',

like how Manchester United is 'Red Devils')

Their players (first-team) can have average age of 19,

where other clubs are around 25+.

It shows these 'Young Guns' have talent,

but then again lack experience.

But I believe they can do well,

being young is definitely an advantage.

I will gladly list down all the first-team players here,

but then this post will bore quite alot of ppl.

I've been scribbling their names all over my notes,

and I don't think I will stop anytime soon.

I can memorise more than half of the players AND their NO.

(I've got a thing for numbers,

when I see numbers,

I tend to want to remember them.

Dates as well,

especially BIRTHDATES.

That's why my HP is FULL of people's birthdates.

Ranging from friends to celebrities,

now of course to sports ppl also.)

I made it a point to understand how each

of the Arsenal players play through Youtube.

It's quite fun watching all the goals,

coz Youtube ppl are kind to plot everything into 1 video,

making watching them alot easier.

It's 1 of those days that I will

love Youtube as long as can be.

Think better stop here.haha.

Too bad this weekend no EPL,

but got FA Cup de matches.

Don't know TV will show or not.

HOPEFULLY!!

And I hope I see Cesc play soon,

I'm missing all the action and threats

he pose to the other team in play.

Get well soon, CESC!

Oh ya.. forgot!

HAPPY LAST DAY 2008~!

Let's give a warm welcome to 2009

and possibly all its happiness to all~!

I hope 2009 will be a good year for me,

in ALL aspects.haha.!

I hope 2009 be great to Arsenal and all its players~!

Haven't thought about my new year resolution,

I probably won't post them here also.

Put them in my mind can le.haha.

Anyway, once again

HAPPY NEW YEAR to all~

BYE BYE 2008.

Start all over?!

Start all over?!

Hmm... looks like it starts all over

EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Not that I'm blaming on anyone,

(actually blaming myself only.)

I find myself once again,

out of bound of my OWN room.

(Irony huh?)

Once again, I can't find a room

that will accomodate me and my privacy.

No point fighting with my Bro over his own room,

no point staying in my parent's room

when clearly it's nt private at all,

Dining room (where I used to place my laptop)

is also out of bound of all electronics, except food.

The Famliy lounge is basically not a conducive place

to use a laptop either. (no table and definitely privacy)

All I have that has proper air ventilation is the Living room.

Yup, I'm going to be stuck here

doing reports, projects, surfing the net etc..

ALL on the COLD HARD FLOOR.

I don't know if I got to this on my own,

but I'm sure, Nth seems to fit in well now.

I have to put up in my brother's room

for the next 1 month?!

And just let u know,

my brothers room is twice smaller than mine,

in terms of WALKING space.

And add my mattress on the floor?!

That makes only a few steps possible.

My room is CLEARLY better for 2 person,

but somehow I'm stuck in his room.

Oh ya, forgot to add.

My grandpa has come to stay at our house,

so out of respect etc,

he is going to put up in my room.

No problem with that,

I'm absolutely fine with it.

But just to think that,

I won't have the privacy I can go to,

like if I'm deep in thoughts,

I will close myself in my room and think.

Now I can't..

RIGHT NOW?

My bro is in his room,

my mum is in her room,

my dad is in the family lounge using computer,

I'm stuck in the living room with grandpa and aunty

and they are watching TV (China Ch)

And you ppl will know how VERY MUCH I 'HATE' C***A stuff.

Doesn't make anything better

when the volume is extra high at the moment.

Anyway, as I said,

got nothing to blame it on except myself.

I don't seem to be able to adapt well.

I thought I could.

But everytime I need to get clothes in my bro's closet,

(I had to make up space for my clothes in his closet,

and clearly his closet was quite FULL already)

I can only manage 1 tiny corner,

and EVERYTIME I had to dig for my clothes.

(and I mean tip-toe and DIG.)

Just the thought of it makes everything so PATHETIC.

I feel VERY PATHETIC.

I hate it when ppl have to question me on

something that has ALREADY happen.

What do you want me to do?!

Go back in time and undo everything?!

All the questioning just make me sick,

I just found a solution to it.

JUST SMILE and 'pretend' you agree.

What the FUCK do you want me to say?!

'Aiya I wished I had done it also',

'I feel like an idiot' etc.

FUCK it all.

Doesn't make anything better that

I'm listening to a rather sad song now.

But the song is GREAT!

Got it while watching a German drama

about gay love and couple.

I find it fascinating in fact,

AND PLEASE!

don't ever ask me why I watched it.

Kind of fed up with explaining.

Btw, interested in watching forbidden love,

but sick of watching the normal opposite sex love,

do check out the gay couples.

As The World Turns (American Soap Opera):

Luke and Noah.

Verbotene Liebe (German Soap Opera,

German for 'Forbidden Love':

Christian and Oliver.

(and yup, they speak German,

but youtube got english subbed version)

Both the 2 come from soap operas,

which normally spans for over 10 years type.

but people in love with these 2 couples

have took the liberty to specially cut out

ONLY their parts n post on utube.

Their scenes span more than 1 year on TV,

but you could see it on utube in 1 - 2 days.

(That's how soap operas work,

you sometimes get only a few mintues

in a whole week of airing.)

And, ya, German guys look SOOO much better.

They somehow cheered me up

for the last couple of days.

I like watching those heart-wrenching love stories,

like forbidden love,

and how they fight the right to love each other,

DESPITE what others say behind their back.

You know what?

I'm starting to show respect to those same sex couple.

So long as they are happy with each other?

Why talk about them?

You won't know, someday you will be 1 of them!