Emo time~

Trying to waste a bit of time. Not going into details as to why, as I believe I've done the complaining before. It's all the same situation, no matter who comes. Anyway, there's nothing much I can do about it too, except to complain. Haha...


These are the times where I'd love to leave the house. Either they go out, or I go out. I seem a bit anti-social right? Sometimes I wonder if Im sick. Haha! You know those anti-social illness? Chinese call 'Zhi Bi Zhen'. I watched Brilliant Legacy recently, and the kid brother has that. Im not as serious as his though, but similar?


Im tired. But trying to keep myself awake. Sick right? I think I keep alot of stuff to myself lately. Like the amount I tweet and blog, shows how much thoughts I have on my mind. Like can't find anyone to share also. People may think Im actually talkative in person. Im one of those that literally have 2 different personalities in person, and on msn or twitter etc. Im shy, look like I killed someone when I feel emo, even looking unapproachable. I WANT to be social, want to feel important and stuff, but my stupid mouth wun open. I think I mention before, that sometimes my mind will explode with great questions and stuff to say during a conversation, but they always end up kept shut in my mind, refusing to be said out by my mouth. I also dunno what im afraid of. Is like, I can never find the right moment to say something right.


I think it's partly coz I reflect on people's thoughts and words WAY TOO MUCH. Is like, stuff said during my primary school etc, are remembered so clearly now. Stuff about my appearance, my actions, my whatever, is like what ever people comment on me, I REMEMBER. And I hang onto them for quite some time, maybe never forgetting. I also tend to remember embarassing moments, and hang onto them like forever. And they're mostly the bad stuff I remember, hardly any good ones. Am I too hard on myself? Can I ever be more free? Haha... funny if I put it that way.


Whatever it is, nothing seems to motivate me these days... I think my parents will probably feel im useless. Ok, better stop bashing myself now. Just gonna make me cry any moment. Nitez people.