What are birthdays?!

What are birthdays?!

Seriously,

birthdays are just 'special' days where you were born into this world.

It sounds 'special' enough,

but they are just any other ordinary days of the year.

Having to go through the same days every yr,

why can't we jus celebrate once and for all?

No need to trouble people with birthday wishes and presents.

No need for thinking about where to go eat.

I'm beginning to lose faith in birthdays.

Koreans have their birthdays celebrated with seaweed soup in the morning.

What do we Singaporeans have?

Celebrities are made to keep their birthday parties a secret.

People want birthday parties where they can never have.

Birthday also comes with lots of problems.

You not only get 1 yr older,

you also get 1 more problem added on the list.

Yes, you may be given 3 wishes,

but do you actually get them before the next birthday?

If not, it will be like the same wishes every yr.

Birthdays can also be a day where friends come together.

But mind that,

some friends ONLY talk to you because its ur birthday.

After that day, you never get calls from them anymore.

Since you are the birthday girl,

people will automatically treat you differently.

You feel blessed and grateful.

But what?! Only for 1 day?

Maybe I'm asking too much.

But that is how some people act.

I'm gonna think that,

this year will be no different.

Maybe a little more quiet.

Whatever so, I should feel glad on that day.

Afterall its my birthday..

what to do when your brother decides to go for camp during the weekends?

What to do if you have to work on that day?

Every yr, the situation changes.

But one fact remains.

I'm having my shitty birthday this saturday.

Maybe I should just stay at home.

World of Idols

World of Idols

Well, I know its a bit late,

but I just realise,

I live in a world FULL of idols.

I mean those you see on tv?

Either MCing, dancing, singing etc.

Ok. I just came to realise that.

I think I'm beginning to drift further away from the REAL world.

Day by day,

I seem to be living in my OWN world.

To no surprise, world of IDOLS.

They seem to be in every part of my mind.

Even when I eat or do homework,

they seem to be there.

There to keep me at peace.

There to keep me occupied in something,

rather than thinking of unnecessary things.

The idea of me meeting my fav idol

keeps getting deeper and deeper day by day.

Am I losing contact with the REAL world?

I'm sick of the REAL world.

So much to face everyday.

Does a NORMAL teen go through all this everyday?

Thinking of problems,

and making them worse.

How I REALLY wish,

I was out of this world.

To somewhere,

somewhere where I can find comfort in.

No Worries, no sadness, no anger.

No Happiness, no joyness, no hope.

Just plain me,

and probably with my IDOLS?

HAHA.

I'm dreaming.

Everyone knows that can never happen.

Everybody wishes so.

But nobody was ever granted their wish.

Why?

Unfair right?

Kwon Ji Yong.

Another idol noted on my list of IDOLS.

All I can say is,

the list WILL go on.

There is no way I can stop myself from 'picking' up anymore.

I guess it is a way to numb my other thoughts.

People simply enter my life,

and then just leave without a trace.

They leave a HUGE hole in my heart,

but were never there to mend it.

How I wish I was in Korea.

Able to speak korean.

Not having to worry about friends.

Just there to do pure visitation.

If I have the money,

I would REALLY want to stay in Korea

as much as I can.

Not having to worry about getting a job for money,

not having to worry about accommodations.

Not having to worry about how the people will think about me,

coz they DON'T know you at all.

Stay all by myself,

visit places by myself,

shop and eat by myself.

Not having to worry about meeting Korean friends.

My problems will only start from there.

You think I should go into poetry?!

What to do?

What to do?

ok. finally I blogged after dunno how many weeks.

recently, there has been WAY too much that happened.

make me no mood to blog also.

as usual, have been really negative for the past weeks.

never seem to get anything done when Im down.

I feel like an alien.

Like I never notice how the world around me has changed so much.

I'm not in secondary school anymore.

The fact I have to face is that,

I'm already a Poly student,

and have been one 1.5 yrs ago.

Nothing is like secondary school times.

Everyone is growing up.

Everyone have developed many different thinkings.

But I still feel I'm stuck at point zero.

Until now then I realise,

many things are no as simple as it is anymore.

Some problems we have to go through before we actually mature up.

obstacles that I have to overcome everyday.

The only way to do it,

is to live one day at a time.

Thinking ahead or back will not help me at all.

Focusing myself on the day that Im at now

will get rid of all thoughts for the past few days

will get rid of thoughts I have for the future.

What for think so much?

When you know whatever you long for

will never come through?

When you know your friends are carrying burdens

and you can't help them at all?

When you have got problems yourself

but wouldn't want to face them?

I've also come to realise

I actually don't know some of my friends at all.

What to do?

What not to do?

Nobody can tell you all this.

Only you can take control of things you wanna do and nt do.

Only you can control whether to fall sick or not.

Only you can control what you think and act.

Life is like that bah.

You need to control your own destiny.

People can affect your thinking,

but ultimately, you have to make your own decisions.

If this carries on,

I don't know how long I can hold on.

Thoughts

Thoughts

Hello~~

Back from Korea...

Quite long ago le...haha...

Sorry, now then blog...

getting super lazy..

can't even stand myself also...

Anyway,

really bought lots of stuff from Korea..

my daddy really going to go broke..

Korea stuff are much much more ex than Singapore stuff..

seriously, if you were to compare the price with S'pore,

you WILL NEVER want to buy the product le..

other than the price issue,

took lots of pictures too~~

I may upload some in time to come..

I won't say I WILL,

cause I know I may not post in the end....

so, just leave it there first...haha..

the real intention of me blogging right now

is surprisingly not bout Korea trip..

As the title says,

THOUGHTS.

I have lots of thoughts now...

really want to write them out

so I will feel better...

A lot of ppl are already wondering why

I keep bloging negative stuff about life..

I also dunno why..

But blogging seems to be the only way.

Even though I know ppl will be reading my blog,

I still carry on...

These are stuff I can NEVER say out face to face..

as some may know,

I'm an extreme Introvert.

I have no confidence in myself, no courage at all.

Blogging seems to help me a bit...

Some ppl may also realise I talk better on msn

or on words...

I really can't do much verbally....

I only listen...

I'm not good at words either.....

I sometimes stammer when I talk...

due to excitment I guess...

Maybe I shouldn't have joined ISAN in the first place..

I shouldn't have known all those ppl also....

Sometimes I really feel left out..

I hate that.

But sometimes really can't help it also...

I give up too easily...

I can't seem to get anything done.

I really envy some ppl...

they can just communicate so well with a 'snap'

I can't.

Really felt like crying today..

the feeling is coming back again.

Kept pushing my tears back..

kept calling myself an idiot..

But what to do?

Life still goes on...

even without me.

There are many things in life that I long for,

but I know the more I want them,

the more they become apart from me.

God has his ways of controlling my life...

I can never go against it..

he has created me like this..

I'm really thankful for it.

No matter how much I complain,

I will still thank him for making me.

Complaining does not help much either.

Some things in life are really untouchable,

you know its untouchable,

but you can't help it but to go and disturb it.

In the end everything turns out worst than before.

Really, let nature takes its course.

If God want me to cry,

I'll cry..

Still got many things going through my mind.

Not so good pening them down also.

Maybe I should go open up another blog.

Private one..

where I can write whatever I want....

I don't know whether to call myself

lucky or unlucky to have known you guys.